Outgrowing old versions of ourselves means outgrowing old versions of others too.

I often hear, and have experienced myself, that when we grow, heal, and expand into a fuller version of who we are, something subtle can shift in our friendships. It isn’t dramatic. It’s more like a gentle awareness that the version of you who once fit comfortably in that dynamic is no longer the version you are living from.

The old jokes, the old ways of relating, the things you once bonded over sometimes don’t land in the same way anymore. Not because anything is wrong, but because you are moving from a new place inside yourself. When that happens, it is normal to feel slightly out of sync with people who still relate to the version of you they are used to.

This shift doesn’t only happen in friendships. As we grow, it can also touch our relationships with family members, colleagues, old connections, or people we have known for a long time. Any dynamic that was built around an earlier version of who we were can start to feel slightly misaligned when we expand. It simply reflects that every relationship is shaped by the level of awareness we held at the time, and when that awareness changes, the way we experience people can change too.

This is often when old stories and judgements rise to the surface, the small discomforts you once swallowed but didn’t yet have the awareness or self-trust to name, question, or gently step back from, and when your loyalty was offered to others before it was ever offered to yourself. When these old dynamics return, they reveal where you may still be holding someone in their past or replaying a narrative that no longer reflects who either of you are now. If the same story keeps looping, it is usually showing you the places where your perception hasn’t grown in the same way you have.

This is where compassion becomes a powerful guide. When you soften your grip on who you think someone is, and look for their innocence rather than their flaws, something shifts. It becomes easier to respond instead of react. It becomes easier to step out of the old roles and into a more authentic, present-moment connection. Sometimes simply sending love to that person quietly and energetically opens more space inside you than any conversation could.

And sometimes sending love isn’t about mending a connection. It is about softening your heart enough to see that it is okay to grow apart. It is okay for a relationship to complete its cycle. Not every friendship is meant to continue through every version of you. If the connection no longer feels nourishing, encouraging, or aligned, letting it fall away isn’t unkind. It is an act of self-respect and often a quiet liberation for both people.

The moment we decide we know someone, we stop seeing the person they are becoming. We meet the image we built, not the human in front of us. When we hold someone in who they once were, we make it harder for them to grow in our presence and harder for our own growth to be witnessed too.

Inside every person you know, there is a person you don’t yet know. And meeting that version is where true connection lives.